Buhtt sex?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
