I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
