Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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