youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
