The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
