john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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