Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
