allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
