Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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