The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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