I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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