come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
