dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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