Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
