I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
