somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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