anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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