ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
