Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
