dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
