a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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