how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
that may or may not have been my penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
