Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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