You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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