sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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