i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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