I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pappa wants mamma naked
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
