Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
People in love make me want to vomit
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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