oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
