You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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