it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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