she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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