Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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