New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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