oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So here I am, sexting at work.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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