I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
