Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
