I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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