You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
