I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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