So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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