1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
