i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
