guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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