I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
