Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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