The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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