I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
