oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
worst night to have a conscience
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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