Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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