Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
