it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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