Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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