My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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