Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
