I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
