I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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