can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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