just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
