so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
