I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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