Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
