I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
