Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You did what with his pubic hair?
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