If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
