You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
