Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
