Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
