mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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