This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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