Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
