i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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