How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
