no, he came in my armpit
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
