I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We left the knife in your bed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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